My uncle’s comment still tears my family apart

Dear Abby: A few years ago, my uncle made a controversial comment about a social issue in a text message to my mother’s family group. The issue was so important to my sister that she asked to stop discussing it because she did not agree with what they were saying. As the discussion continued, she decided to cut my mother’s family out of her life, influenced by my brother-in-law who had made a similar decision about his family.

My wife and I bought a house and decided to throw our first party there, inviting both sides of my family. My sister still refuses to be anywhere near my mother’s family. She said she wouldn’t come, although I also invited my father’s family, who got along well with her.

Although my political and social views align with my sister’s, I am also family-oriented, so this has been difficult for me and my parents. I’m sad that my mother’s family may never see my sister again because one or two bad apples spoiled the barrel for her. I hope this matter is resolved before it is too late. Do you think this is possible? -Family oriented in Illinois

Dear family oriented: I don’t know why the abusive conversation didn’t stop when you asked your sister. Apparently the comments your uncle made were so offensive to her that she no longer wanted to communicate with him. Is this “fixable”? Only if someone is willing to give, and from what I’ve written, that doesn’t seem likely. From now on, if you want a family gathering, be prepared to host a gathering without your sister.

Dear Abby: I am a man who has worked in a large company for many years. I recently met a newly hired woman who is beautiful, smart, funny, and compassionate. We talk almost daily, and I have become romantically interested in her. And from her behavior, you may feel the same. I would take things to the next level by inviting her to lunch.

There’s one major issue: I’m in my mid-50s; She’s in her early twenties. I’m not sure if she’s aware of the huge age difference, but I’m sure she’s aware that I’m much older. If we decide to continue the relationship, I know there will be comments and jokes from our co-workers, which I can handle, but is the relationship wise considering our age difference? I had never been interested in a woman this young before. It’s special to me. People say age is just a number. Is it so? -An old romantic fool

Dear old romantic: I’m less concerned about your age difference than I am about how many years you’ve been at your job and whether there’s a “power imbalance” between you and the new employee. If there is an anti-fraternization policy at your workplace, your or her job could be in jeopardy. If he wasn’t there, it wouldn’t be out of line to invite the young woman to lunch. If there’s anything bothering her about the age difference (if the relationship progresses), I’m sure it will come to light.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jane Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Call Dear Abby on www.DearAbby.com Or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.