The three magic phrases that will instantly make you more likable, according to a body language expert
Building meaningful connections in the workplace often boils down to moments so small that they may seem insignificant. However, those moments can shape the way others view you. According to the behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwardsfounder Teach peoplewhich teaches people social skills to use in life and work, three specific phrases that can dramatically increase your likability by addressing a psychological blind spot that most people don’t know they have.
Van Edwards, whose research on charisma and nonverbal communication has reached more than 70 million people and been presented at Harvard, MIT and Stanford, shared her thoughts During an interview with Stephen Bartlett on Diary of a CEO Podcast. Her advice is based on what psychologists call… Signal amplification biasthe idea that even when you genuinely like someone, or enjoy interacting with them, they probably don’t realize it. In short, people tend to overestimate the extent to which their feelings affect others.
“We think our signals are clear,” Van Edwards said in the interview. “If we like someone or if we’re having a good time, we think, ‘Oh, he sure knows that.’ They don’t.”
This bias can create gaps in professional relationships, as colleagues, clients, and contacts may never realize how much you value them, unless you express it openly. Van Edwards said she has developed three phrases designed to bridge this gap, what she calls “magic phrases to attract like.”
First phrase: “I was just thinking about you”
The most powerful phrase, according to Van Edwards, is deceptively simple: “I was just thinking about you.”
The key to using this phrase effectively is authenticity. Van Edwards said it should only be used when genuinely stimulated by an idea or association. “You think about a lot of people in your life all the time,” she said. “If you’re thinking of someone and you can text them, text them: ‘I was just thinking about you, how are you doing?’ ‘I was just thinking about you, how did this project go?’ ‘I was just thinking about you, it’s been a long time since we spoke.’
The phrase also applies when something in everyday life triggers an association. “You watch a movie, you watch a documentary, you watch a matcha latte, you see a mug, you see a ceramic candle and you say, ‘Oh, that made me think of you,’” Van Edwards said. “My texts, my conversations, are full of actual moments that made me think of that person.”
Van Edwards added a crucial caveat: “If you’re not thinking about someone, they’re not someone you need in your life.”
Second phrase: “You are always like this…”
The second phrase involves offering specific positive labels: “You’re always so…” followed by a genuine compliment. Some examples: “You always make me laugh,” “You’re always interesting,” or “You’re always so great in interviews.”
“Giving them a positive sign is the best gift you can give someone,” Van Edwards said. The reason this works is because of signal amplification bias: explicitly naming a trait you appreciate is a great way to combat the tendency to assume that you like someone is already obvious.
Searching for interpersonal warmth – which, coupled with competence, It accounts for approximately 82% of how people evaluate others– Supports the importance of positive, frank communication. Studies have found that Warmth is the primary metric For people when meeting someone new, because it indicates whether they can be trusted or not.
Third statement: “The last time we talked, you mentioned…”
The last phrase demonstrates active listening and memory: “Last time we talked, I mentioned…”
Pointing out something a person is really passionate about is very important to getting them to like you, Van Edwards said. “We are so honored to have your brain space, that you remember it and will bring it up,” she said. “And I specifically mentioned something that they lit up with, something that they were like, ‘Oh, that was great, that was exciting, that was great.'”
This phrase indicates that you not only heard what someone said, but appreciated it enough to retain it and revisit it. In professional environments where colleagues and clients often feel neglected, this simple acknowledgment can be a great way to strengthen relationships.
But here’s the important thing about these three tips: you can’t force it. During the interview, Bartlett said that communicating with everyone as Van Edwards was recommending sounds “exhausting,” but she explained that these phrases should be used organically, from real moments, not from forced communication.
“You only do it when it feels natural to you,” she said. “You’re watching a documentary, or you’re at a restaurant, or you’re on the bus, and you’re like, ‘Oh, that reminds me of this person’ — a quick text. That’s less work than missing an old friend and not knowing what to say.”
Van Edwards, who has built her career on translating behavioral science into practical communication strategies, developed her first framework about 12 years ago and says she has taught hundreds of thousands of students through her courses and books. “I’m a nerd in recovery,” she told Bartlett on the podcast, describing how she once believed charisma was genetic until she discovered it could be learned.
You can watch the entire CEO Diaries Interview with Vanessa Van Edwards below:
For this story, luck Use generative AI to help with the rough draft. An editor verified the accuracy of the information before publication.
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